If my body could speak,It’ll probably recoil each time I try to touch it because it would have gotten used to the fact that each day, I probe, poke and disrespect it. If my body could talk,It would most definitely hate me because I do not give it the appreciation it deserves, Maybe if my […]
Hello there, it’s me again! I know I know, I’ve been gone for too long but I promise that I missed y’all. I’ve just been occupied with lots of Faith stuff. I’ve also been through so much and I know I’m not alone on this boat. Now having gone through so much emotionally this year, […]
Woman, the other gender that is the opposite of man, the ones with vagina’s and breasts, the ones expected to be weak even when it is universally known she is strong. Woman basically meaning not a man, girl, lady, other but definitely not a man. Wow, a woman can mean so many things. Woman can be said in a scolding or chastising context, woman can be dangerous, woman can be married. What is my point where are my driving towards? We’ll get there. Please note that I hadn’t said who but used the pronoun what. I have listened in on conversations among my mother and aunts, they’d exclaim because I’m a woman and I’m supposed to behave myself, I just let it go or I just choose silence. Isn’t it funny, the phrase because I am a woman mostly used my us women is funny and also other wise really impractical and unnecessary. Because you are a woman, doesn’t automatically imply that you have to fit into that perfectly laid out role that society has placed and said yes, this is what you’ll be because you own a vagina. Absurdity in its highest form is when I hear that phrase people! Isn’t it sad that we don’t fully want to accept that we can be anything despite the fact that we are women? I couldn’t fully understand that phrase because I thought that my true feminity would magically materialize once I could say oh, I choose this or that because I am a woman. This is untrue and should not even be a thing existing. This is what a woman is, A woman is strong, even when it is expected that she should crumble to a heap and cry and maybe that’s what she’s supposed to be doing but she won’t because she’ll think that oh no, I should think about my family, I should take this as a lesson and move on, improve, be better. A woman is resilient because she would not easily give up. She’d try to win that hard hearted husband over even when it would’ve been quite impossible, she’ll try to save that marriage and keep things normal so that her children would keep on thinking that life is easier than it actually is. She’d put up with those unkind relatives just so she’d keep things at peace. Women never stop trying. A woman is extraordinary, not just pretty but beautiful beyond words. A woman is no man but is indeed a woman because even though it is a hard ball to swallow, men still need women. It wouldn’t hurt to just appreciate a woman once in a while because her every battle that is unknown to you. It is what moulds her to be what she is, so when you see a woman, say thank you for being a woman, you’re doing great. And to all the women out there, you can be so much more than you think because like water you move, your soul and heart carried with you and like rubber you stretch the farthest way possible until you feel satisfied that you are home. Don’t tell yourself not to be, tell yourself to become! Because you are so much more than you can imagine, don’t conform to what society says you should be because you may loose yourself. And as my final parting words, quoting the famous words of Rupi kaur, “I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL OF THE WOMEN I HAVE CALLED PRETTY BEFORE I HAVE CALLED THEM INTELLIGENT OR BRAVE. I AM SORRY THAT I MADE IT SOUND AS THOUGH SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS WHAT YOU’RE BORN WITH IS THE MOST YOU HAVE TO BE PROUD OF WHEN YOUR SPIRIT’S HAVE CRUSHED MOUNTAINS. FROM NOW ON I WILL SAY THINGS LIKE YOU ARE RESILIENT AND YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY NOT BECAUSE I DON’T THINK THAT YOU ARE PRETTY BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. “ Au Revoir Mon Cheries
Side note: this post has been long over due, I would love to blog everyday because I have a lot to blog about but my blog has been under refurbishing for quite a while and it’s still not finished. I just decided to put this on here because I really think that I would have ran mad with this post sitting in my phone’s library crying to be read. I sincerely hope you can forgive my incompetence and I also hope to get a lot of feed back. Also, I hope you like this post as much as I like it. Thank you for the journey, everyone I really appreciate how far we’ve come.
What I have crafted for myself is a life In the middle, in the between, moving, seamless, Without taking form but taking form.
I see snippets of this dream and I wonder; How can I be so multifaceted I loose pieces of myself.
When I’m not choosing me, I’m choosing a path that will lead me to a loose end. And I find myself craving and praying to start over.
Sometimes I lose my sanity wondering what I’m doing, what is driving me to be this crazed person who is not water nor air.
I’m asking myself… Why I love being hurt, traumatized and eviscerated? Each time I crave to go the distance that’ll be easier, but I’m craving an evisceration as well…perhaps it’ll be easier down there.
But when I look at these faces that drive me These faces and hearts that don’t belong to me, but to the doves that hover waiting to hold me up, I am struck with how much of a better person I want to be, how much I want to fight this battle and win, how much I want to stay.
Within their faces, I seek redemption from my mind, myself, From the relationship I somehow formed with depression.
I no longer need to fight, These hearts, these doves are fighting for me. So I choose air! I choose to breathe.
Because they are the anchor, making me stay adrift! But this isn’t only my story, it’s a story of us. Them, him, me. We will breathe, we have no choice than to do just that.
I’ve been in a really vulnerable state of mind recently. I remember a week ago when something I wished wouldn’t happen again happened and I wondered what death would feel like. I’ve been drifting between time to be honest and it scares me on a daily the things that run through my mind and I crave so badly that these thoughts that make me feel so guilty, so ungrateful, so selfish would leave me. I’ve also stopped praying. I wish I could but when I open my bible, or close my eyes to say a word, everything goes blank. I think I’m unworthy, what would God do for someone like me, how could he love me? but you know the funny thing, I’ve run out of tears. I’m done crying. I hate the word depression, I can’t say I’m depressed but I’ve been sad, so sad I prefer to spend the day watching Netflix than facing my mind and my topsy turvy emotions. However though, I have drawn strength from my friends. These humans have been amazing, God specially hand picked them because he knew that a time would come when I would need their strength. I want to redeem my relationship with God. I want to hear him again, I want to be happy again and for once, I have surrendered by admitting that I need help and I know where to find it but I have no idea how. So while this poem is as much about my life right now and my psychological battles, it’s also dedicated to my friends. You guys, all of you motivate me to not give up. Thank you so much. I love you guys as best as I know how.
Hello there, it’s me again! I know I know, I’ve been gone for too long but I promise that I missed y’all. I’ve just been occupied with lots of Faith stuff. I’ve also been through so much and I know I’m not alone on this boat. Now having gone through so much emotionally this year, I got thinking of the word to describe it, us and all I could think of was strong! Yes, we are strong. I mean so much had happened and yet here we all are, amidst our many losses, we are here, trying to conquer next year.
Last year taught me so much, it was a journey that I feel I had to go through to understand that the hand of God is necessary in everything we face. I mean, I made plans, things to achieve last year and here I am, standing tall and proud to say that I achieved just one thing out of all of these plans and am I sad? No! But was I sad before today? Definitely. Imagine starting the year with all these resolutions and then boom, you can barely achieve one. Honestly, I came here to be honest, I don’t want to be that person who looks like she has everything put together because I don’t. Last year one of my biggest goals was to work harder than I did in school and try my best to maintain my 4.00 GPA but how did that turn out? I fell ill, missed school and then did poorly. I could sit here and write all of my failures of last year but that would take the whole day. What I actually want to write are the things I learnt.
I learnt to give love unconditionally, whether or not I receive it back, I learnt to love myself and give myself time, time to learn at my own pace, to grow and to excel. I have learnt that when I cannot trace God’s hands, I am supposed to trust his heart. I learnt to appreciate my friends and our friendship, and I learnt that I am a good writer, that my words are my words and they can never be taken away from me. Most of all I learnt to appreciate myself and the people around me. To be the light in the room even when I don’t feel like the light. I have learnt that I am not my feelings, instead I am who God says I am. I learnt especially to be thankful in all situations; both good and bad. In retrospect 2020 was one of my best years and I’m thankful to have been alive to experience it.
No, I’m not also here to talk about new year resolutions: (an answer or solution to problems) because I’m done with that, I am of the belief that resolutions aren’t meant to be made by me but are to be made by God for me. After all, his plans for me are a touchdown goal which will always be right. However what I’m trying to say is that I make plans instead of silly resolutions and I commit these plans to God meaning that these plans must be aligned with his will. Also, I am of the opinion that this year, we should all give ourselves time to heal from past injuries before we try to move on. Let that old hurt not hinder the new things you want to achieve. Work hard, be truthful yourself, try a different strategy this year and be honest to yourself at all cost. Never relent on achieving those goals. And the most, in everything give thanks. No matter how this year turns out, be thankful, knowing that by God’s special grace, you’ll be fine and make sure to give yourself credit for trying your best to be the best. Never be opposed to learning and growing and keep an open mind where needed. God bless you my beautiful family. A merry big fat awesome new year from me to you.
The cusp of something bitter is forming And I feel it drawing me in. I ask myself what is life? What are the terrors of the day that haunt my new beginnings ?
The cusp of something else is forming And I feel the empathy of life crawling deep within the shores of my mind the cusp is unpredictable against my minds walls
What then is the cusp? Is it the raw beauty of life crumbling against weak domains? Or is it the sheer knowledge of things lost? I am indeed lost in time and the cusp forming within me is the knowledge of what I am loosing in life.
I wrote this sometime ago and it’s funny how today I revisited it. Lately, I’ve been feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I’ve doubted myself and my life’s decisions so much this past week and when I wrote this, it was sometime last year and this was how I was feeling then. You know I’ve asked myself so many times what are you doing? While I want to be successful and driven and achieve my goals, I’ve been drifting, moving too fast, and I haven’t stopped to appreciate the beauty of life and life’s gift. I berate myself if I fail and I don’t forgive myself. I didn’t even give myself the opportunity to start over. I wrote this to not just inspire myself and others but to also encourage us to stop and breathe and appreciate life and how great God is. Forgive yourself, move on and start again. Let the cusp of something new form. Also remember that anything that costs you your peace isn’t for you and isn’t worth it. I hope I inspired someone today. God bless you all ❤
Happy bloggerversary to me! Honestly I had expected to feel over the moon when this day arrived. I had been anticipating it for a while now but with all the horrible things happening in Nigeria currently, I have honestly not had the time or even been in the right frame of mind to write anything or even be happy about this beautiful achievment but it’s been approximately 1year and 7 days since my first blog post. I’m so grateful that I have such a platform and I’m even more grateful to the people who take our time to follow or much less read my blog posts. I thank God all in all that even when things started out shaky and I thought of quitting, he showed up! I’ve had this app and an account for a while now but I didn’t upload anything then, I just read other people’s works and I felt like I wasn’t good enough compared to the people writing here. My upload was more like me fulfilling a challenge brought on by my dad. He told me if you feel like you know how to write then show the world that this is you. If they don’t like it, so be it and so I did it and here I am. So happy bloggerversary to me. On that note, I want to bring awareness to what has been happening in Nigeria. A special police body that was set up to protect it’s citizens have been misusing their power. The special anti robbery corporation have been killing youths for unjust reasons such as having basic amenities like that latest iPhone or driving good cars or even so much as looking good . I cannot talk much about this for I am in a very unhappy state of mind but I’d like everyone to pray for my country, pray for the youths risking their lives and also help us by spreading the word through your socials. Make awareness by using the hashtags end police brutality and end SARS. thank you so much for all the love and support over the past year. When everything regains its balance, I’d be more frequent in uploading more! Have a blessed day. Thank you for a year of so much love, I anticipate many more to come.
Hi, everyone, the best thing just happened, drumroll pleaseeee….lol Honestly, I’m bursting at the seams with excitement and why is this you want to ask? Well I was nominated for the liebster award and I have none other than the beautiful Wardah from silent silvery tears to thank for it. I encountered her blog on one beautiful Saturday, I can never forget, it was called imperfectly perfect and it resonated with me so much, she’s a beautiful writer but I must warn you, you may shed a few tears while you read her uploads not with how precious they are so do well to check out her blog, you’ll most definitely love it. With that being said, let’s look at the rules shall we.
RULES ~Thank the blogger who nominated you. ~Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you ~Nominate 11 bloggers. ~Ask your nominees 11 questions. ~Notify your 11 nominees.
ANSWERING THE BEAUTIFUL AND INDEED PERKY QUESTIONS!
DO YOU LIKE SPOILERS FOR BOOKS, MOVIES OR SHOWS? So just to make it clear, I don’t necessarily like spoilers but then that saying that goes curiosity killed the cat was specifically made for me because when I get a new movie or book or show, I skip to the end and then go back to the beginning. But I don’t like spoilers when someone else does it to me. I prefer my method thank you very much.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOUR? My favorite colors are purple, any shade of purple especially lavender and blue, the color of the skies, because it reminds me so much of flying. I love being in an airplane, above the world and looking into the clouds, that’s why I always endeavor to get the window seat. One time, when I wanted to switch seats with this guy, he refused but then felt that it would be just peachy to ask for my number. I told him a huge no! He made me sleep the entire ride because I wasn’t staring out the window, what a boring trip.
WHAT IS THE BEST ELEMENT OF NATURE? The best element of nature to me has to me the skies and all its elements, which are the stars, the sun and the moon. They are just so beautiful it makes me want to reach out and grab a cloud or a star. I just love the skies.
DO YOU GET SACRED EASILY? Well I used to but now, I don’t anymore. However, I’m still scared of dogs, cats, most animals and all insects or creepy crawlies would you rather but I love butterflies.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIES GENRE? What a tough question! It’s like asking me to choose between writing and reading or forfeiting a limb or an eye. I’m such a movie fanatic! I watch everything including documentaries and I recently started indulging in amines so you can imagine the type of dilemma I’m in trying to choose one although when I was much younger I used to love romance books and movies so much that was literally all what I wrote.
WHAT FONT LOOKS CLOSEST TO YOUR HAND WRITING? Ohm! Such a creative question. It has to be the Bradley Hand HTC. I write cursively but not so much just like the Bradley.
WHAT IS MY FAVOURITE WORD? Thank god somebody other than my sister has finally asked me this! My absolute favorite words are sotto voce, faith, zilch and pulchritude! Not only do they sound classic and sophisticated, they have beautiful meanings too.
WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF? I love my hair, eyes, the stretch marks that mark my body, my big tummy that I’m working on currently, my eyes and the best of all, the fact that I can be anywhere and write anything so I guess it’s my talent.
WHAT BOOK CAN YOU READ OVER AND OVER AGAIN? The book that I can always read over and over and over again is the BIBLE! It is so deep and it hands out comfort for free. The wisdom imbedded in it still gets me every time.
WOULD YOU RATHER WANT TO KNOW WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO DIE OR HOW? I would want to know how, I’m that curious!
WHAT DOES YOUR TYPICAL OUTFIT LOOK LIKE? I’m a typical VSCO girl. I love me some nice snug jeans and t shirts, scrunchies and sneakers or sandals.
*If you could use a song to describe your personality what song would it be? *do you like people? *what motivates you to get up everyday? *if you were an element of nature what would you be? *who’s your favorite author? *what’s your favorite clothing item? *what would your dream vacation be like? *if you were a super hero which one would you be and why? *how old are you? *why did you start blogging? *do you like travelling alone or with your family and friends?
NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE: A SHORT STORY ABAS AND DEMI HAVE BEEN TALKING TO EACH OTHER THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS. THE CHEMISTRY WAS GOOD, THE SARCASM BETWEEN THEM EVEN BETTER AND THE FEELINGS WERE DEFINITELY MUTUAL. SUDDENELY, DEMI DECIDED THAT THE ANONYMOUS THING WASN’T DOING IT FOR HER ANYMORE AND SO THEY MADE A DATE TO MEET. THEY MET AT THE LITTLE CAFÉ JUST OUTSIDE OF ENI STORES IN UYO. THEY HUGGED A TENSED HUG, SMILED TIGHTLY AND THEN ORDERED THEIR FOOD. “SO…, HOW ARE YOU DOING?’ DEMI INITIATED THIS CONVERSATION. SHE NEVER REALLY IMAGINED THAT SEEING THE PERSON YOU’VE BEEN TALKING TO OVER THE PHONE FOR THREE WEEKS IN PERSON WOULD FEEL THIS AWKWARD. AT LEAST THIS PLATONIC QUESTION WOULD NOT BE OF HARM. “NO, DON’T DO THAT” HE SAID. HIS SMILE WAS LOQUATIOUS AND ALMOST TOO NICE. HE IS THE TYPICAL FIVE FEET NINE GUY WITH THE GOOD LOOKS, FAIR CLEAR SKIN, SELF CONFIDENCE AND NICE HAIR. HE IS ALSO USING THE LATEST iPhone 11 AND WEARING THE LATETEST BALENCIANGA SHOES SURMOUNTABLY, HE IS REALLY ATTRACTIVE AND THE INSTAGRAM PHOTOS DID HIM NO JUSTICE. DEMI ON THE OTHERHAND DIDN’T FEEL AS BEAUTIFUL IN HIS PRESENCE. YES, SHE GOT CALLED PRETTY A LOT BUT SHE ALWAYS FELT THAT HER SHOULDER BALDES ARE TOO SHARP AND PRONOUNCED, HER LIPS TOO PLUMP, HER BREAST NOT BIG ENOUGH AND OF COURSE TOO SHORT FOR HER AGE SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW SHE MUST HAVE FELT WITH ALL THIS SELF IMPOSED FLAWS AND IMPERFECTIONS. “DON’T DO WHAT?” SHE ASKED, HER FOREHEAD CREASED WITH THE EFFORT OF FROWNING. “DON’T DO THAT TO US, I BELIEVE WEVE PASSED THE STAGE OR FORMALITY WOULD YOU RATHER OF SURFACE CONVERSATIONS. LETS NOT BELITTLE OUR RELATIONSHIP TO THAT DEMI” DEMI HAD TO LAUGH FROM THE WAY HE SPOKE, DEMI FELT LIKE HE WAS TOO SURE OF HIMSELF. HOWEVER, DEMI LIKED THE WAY HE SAID ‘US’ LIKE THEY HAD SOMETHING SO MEANINGFUL. “ITS FUNNY THE WAY YOU SAY THAT, IM NOT TRYING TO DO THAT, IM JUST TRYING TO EASE US INTO A NATURAL CONVERSATION THAT WOULDN’T INVOLVE THE USUAL TENSION.” SHE SAID. THIS WAS TRUE, BUT WHAT SHE DIDN’T SAY WAS THAT SHE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS NERVOUS OUT OF HER MIND. IT WAS DIFFICULT TO READ HIS EXPRESSION SO DECIPHERING WHAT HE THOUGHT OF HER WAS TASKING. SHE WONDERED WHETHER HE SAW THE FLAWS SHE SO OFTEN DID WHEN SHE LOOKED IN THE MIRROR. “I UNDERSTAND, THOUGH THERE ISNT ANY TENSION FROM ME. INITIALLY, WHEN WE HUGGED, I WAS JUST SURPRISED, THAT’S WHY YOU MUST HAVE THOUGHT THAT I WAS TENSED” HE SAID OFFERING AN EASY SMILE. HE SMILED A LOT THAT WAS FOR SURE. “OH…I NEVER THOUGHT THAT. WHY WERE YOU SURPRISED?” DEMI ASKED “I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO ASK THAT, I GUESS I HAVE TO ANSWER NOW” HE SAID WITH ANOTHER LAUGH. THIS TIME, IT WASN’T THE EASY SMILE; IT WAS THE SELF CONCIOUS OR RATHER SELF EFFUSIVE KIND. NOW, THIS WAS JUST THE SIGN DEMI NEEDED TO KMOW THAT THE DATE WAS ABOUT TO END BEFORE IT EVEN GOT STARTED. SHE SUSPECTED HE WOULD SAY THAT SHE WASN’T HIS TYPE. SHED HAD GOTTEN THAT A LOT RECENTLY. GUYS SAID SHE WASN’T THE TYPE TO KEEP FOREVER BUT THE TYPE TO PLAY WITH APPARENTLY AND DUMP. SLOWLY, SHE HAD BEGAN TO BELIEVE IT HERSLEF SO SHE EXPECTED HIM TO SAY THE SAME THING BUT WHAT SHE HADNTEXPECTED HIM TO SAY WAS.. “YOURE MORE BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON DEMI. WHEN I SAW YOU, I WAS STUNNED; THOSE PHOTOS DON’T DO YOU ENOUGH JUSTICE IF YOU DON’T MIND ME SAYING.” HE SAID, RUBBING THE BACK OF HIS NECK WITH HIS PALMS BUT NOT TAKING HIS EYES AWAY FROM HERS. HIS WORDS RENDERED HER SPEECHLESS. SHE ALMOST DIDN’T BELIEVE HIM BUT SHE HAD TO, THE EYES THEY SAID NEVER LIED AND SHE HAD TO AGREE. IT WAS TRUE. HIS EYES WERE SO SINCERE SHE KNEW HE TOLD THE TRUTH. WHAT STRUCK HER THE MOST THOUGH WAS THE FACT THAT HE HADNT CALLED HER PRETTY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DID. SHE SMILED, THE SMILE REACHED HER EYES. HOWEVER, HER BEING HERSELF, SHE DIDN’T KNOW WHETEHR TO SAY THANK YOU OR SAY NOTHING AT ALL. THE THING WITH COMPLIMENTS WAS THAT SHE KNEW HOW TO GIVE THEM BUT NOT RECEIVE THEM BECAUSE SHE NEVER BELIEVED THEM BUT NOW THAT SHE BELIEVD HIS, SHE WAS SWAYED AND HAD APPENRENTLY FORGOTEN THE PROPER REPLY TO COMPLIMENTS. “UHMMM….” SHE STAMMERD, HER EYES LOOKING EVERYWHERE ELSE BUT AT HIM. “YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING, JUST TAKE THE COMPLIMENT” HE SAID PLACING HIS PALM ON HERS THAT RESTED ON THE TABLE. SHE DIDN’T MOVE HER PALM AWAY. IN FACT, SHE LIKED IT BEING THERE, UNDERNEATH HIS. “WOW, THANK YOU ABAS, YOURE SO SWEET” “IM NOT, I JUST SEE YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE” “AND THAT IS?” “NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE” HE SAYS LOOKING DEEP INTO HER EYES. THIS TIME, DEMILADE SWOONED. IT WAS THEN THAT SHE DECIDED THAT SHE WOULDN’T LOSE ABAS, IT WASN’T NECESSARY FOR THEM TO DATE, THEY COULD BE FRIENDS AND EVEN IF SHE WAS OPEN TO THE IDEA OF BEING MUCH MORE, SHE HAD TO TAKE IT SLOWLY AND TEACH HERSLEF HOW TO LOVE WHO SHE WAS, SHE NEEDED TO FORGIVE HERSLF FOR THE SELF HARM, FOR BELIEVING THAT ALL SHE WAS WAS JUST A PRETTY FACE. AND JUST LIKE ABAS SAID, SHE IS BEAUTIFUL, NOT JUST PHYSICALLY BUT OTHERWISE TOO. SO AS THE SUN SET AND THEY BOTH EXCHANGED PLEASANT CONVERSATIONS, ABAS MADE SURE THAT HE DIDN’T FORGET TO KISS HER AND SO HE LEAPED IN AND THE TOUCH OF THIER LIPS MADE EVERYTHING STAND STILL; ABAS FELT GREEN BUT FINALLY WARMED UP TO HIM AND THEY WENT THIER SEPARATE WAYS,EACH WONDERING WHAT THE NEXT MEETING WOULD BE LIKE.
This piece is dedicated to all my women out there who have been used just because of how they looked, whom have been in relationships with guys who only saw them as only a pretty face and carried them like souvenirs. You are much more than you imagine, your physical qualities don’t matter.
Every star shines out on its own path, not the path made for another star. God has predestined every one of us, his children, his creation to be a star, with so much light that in the end, it is up to you, to share that light, ignite that fire and speak the truth that despite everything that happens, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, there is still a God who sees, who knows, who touches and who loves but the thing is that to feel him, you need to believe. That despite the fall and the pain and the sorrows, he carries you, he watches you, he loves you, he gives you grace and he will cherish you forever. Our paths in life are not all the same. God put different humans in the world to shine bright, that your life be an example, becomes a story and becomes a home to different people around the world. You see, I finally found the answer now. During the lockdown, my faith, as big as I thought it was swindled and moved so greatly towards the edge of shattering. I sinned so much and despite not being a sinner because obviously, when you give your life to Christ for renewal, for his saving, he automatically accepts you as a son but me, despite not being a sinner, I did a pretty good job at sinning and now that I think about it, it was to see if God is that long suffering as they speak of. I knew it was wrong but I still did it because they said, the bible said, that our God grants mercy that is new every day, he gives grace that is supposedly sufficient for all and now, I know the answer because while I chased frivolities, I still sought for him, for that presence to consume like it did my friends so while I chased earthly things, I needed the answers. The very presence of God that seems so mighty, that seems gracious but yet unreachable has been living in me. God is that sparrow, he the map that you have to discover just to get to the Treasure Island. He is the life that teaches love, he is the utter peace in the midst of the turmoil. He is love defined! I am no preacher; I am just a child of God, who has finally found the answer to what I have been searching for, for so long, who discovered that treasure and who has felt that love that is so bone crushing I have no other choice than to share it with others. God made me, he sees me, he knows my name and he loves me. Now, I believe in his power to save because while I was on the fast train to falling and failing brutally, he picked me up, wiped me off all filth and called me beautiful. So what is it that I live for if not for God? Nothing at all. So today, I urge someone, seek God, find him and let his all-encompassing love ground you. He is all you will ever need. Trust him, ask him for anything and I mean anything and just believe in him, have faith in him because in him, you will draw your source and find purpose, so seek him with all your heart and he will truly transform you because he is love. my name is Faith Markson and Jesus is it for me, how about you? God bless you abundantly!
•1 PETER I:7; that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ. •Matthew 6:33; But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. •Matthew 5:16: Let your light16Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
They usually said a problem shared is a problem solved but Rachel had never understood the logic behind that statement until she experienced it firsthand. Rachel is a 22 year old woman who had always been on the chubby side not until four years ago when she and her family moved to Manhattan. She was 18 then, ready to start her new life as a citizen of America and the best thing about it was the promise of new and interesting friends at the high school she would be attending.
The first day of school was the absolute worst for her. After all of the excitement, the rambunctious planning and the intense scouring of the school website, Rachel had felt too ready for her first day but she would later come to hate it and herself. Everybody called her fat that day and the following weeks on. Normally, being called fat in Nigeria would not be considered and insult but not in Manhattan. Apparently, being fat was a crime so every teenager there aspired to attain the perfect figure like that of Naomi Campbell. Constantly, she was made fun off, called a fatso, called ugly, tripped and made look stupid. Sometimes, she wondered whether it was only because she is chubby that she was made fun of like that or maybe it had to do with the fact she is Nigerian. Slowly, she began to feel ugly, worthless. She cried a lot, felt like a complete looser and hated her body. The worst part was that she had still not made a single friend. No one wanted to be friends with the ‘looser’. One afternoon after school, Rachel wanted to shop for a new pair of jeans. She walked into a store called forever 21, the petite girl at the counter who was filing her nails glanced up at her and then blurted. “I don’t think we have your size bun” Rachel stopped short in her stride. Those words felt like a slap to her face. Was she that fat she asked herself? To her fat was now an insult, a sin so at she sprinted out of that store, she decided that eating was no longer a thing she did anymore. If being slim was what she had to do to be liked, she would it at all costs.
She started dieting, eating less and less every day, sometimes nothing at all. No one noticed, no one asked. She started to lose the weight alright. By the end of that semester, she had lost 10 pounds. She was still called fat, still called made fun off so she pushed further. Browsed about anti appetite medications and purchased them with a fake prescription. She drank only water most of the time, sometimes she allowed herself a little serving of cucumber because she had heard that it helped shed fat. Her mother never asked why she skipped breakfast, lunch and dinner weeks in a row, her father never did either. Every day she monitored her progress and with every meal that she forced herself not to eat, the more weight she lost. If she ever felt hungry, she tamped it with a few pills of anti-appetite medication.
On her very first Christmas in Manhattan, she didn’t eat the turkey or do the things she initially planned. When they gathered at the table for Christmas dinner, she tossed her food around her plate, feigned being full and dashed upstairs and forced herself to throw up the little she had consumed. She lost more weight and with every pound she lost, she lost her strength. She was exhausted more often than not, tired always but it never occurred to her that it was all the food she didn’t eat, all the pressure of losing weight that was killing her. What she noticed though was that people stopped calling her fat. She got asked to homecoming, someone greeted her in the hallway, and someone asked her for her pen in the chemistry lab. With every new achievement, she pushed further. She didn’t notice how much she deteriorated until her mother finally noticed. She called her up to the master bedroom, where she sat with her father. “Rachel, you’re becoming a lot slimmer oo, hope you’re okay?” she said. Her father said nothing. “I’m alright, I’m just growing up, and I’m losing the baby fat like you said I would.” Her mother often said that when her aunties teased her. Now she used it with her mother because she was certain she’d buy it. “You’re sure you’re not sick nkem” her father asked. “I’m fine daddy” Rachel lied. Her parents didn’t enquire further. Weeks later during gym class, she collapsed. That day, the raucous that enveloped the school would be the only thing Rachel would see before finally giving into the cozy darkness and being shipped off in the back of an ambulance.
“She is anorexic” the doctor would tell her parents who would vigorously forbid it. Later as they came to the realization that truly their daughter was anorexic, they would hate themselves for not noticing sooner. Her father would grow in on himself, speaking less and less. For three weeks Rachel was unconscious. She was dehydrated, had insufficient iron, low blood sugar, and a whole lot of other complications. These were the symptoms of anorexia as her mother goggled. Her parents cried a wholesome, her mother especially blamed herself. After the third week, when she was finally conscious, she was given actual food and eating it was terrifying. There was an internal battle, all the hurtful things people called her and her anxiety associated with being fat resonated and mocked her that in the end, she ended up having a full on panic attack. This sort of behavior was new to her parents therefore they had absolutely no idea how to handle it. This was her very first incident with being anorexic and having an eating disorder. She’d go through series of therapy, relapse, go in again and still relapse. In the space of three years, she was unable to maintain a particular weight and body size because she kept on going back, trying to conquer and outrun the anxiety of being fat by not being fat. Her mental health deteriorated, she didn’t graduate high school in time either. The worst part was that none of the supposed friends she made came to support her, to see her, to ask how she was.
The last straw that almost consumed her was 10 months ago. She almost died. Everything took a drastic turn. Her father wasn’t doing well. He shriveled and became this shell of a person. Her mother was consumed by worry, she no longer watched her soap operas and laughed loudly, instead she researched diet plans for anorexia victims. That night, for the first time in years, Rachel could see that she was self-sabotaging, that what she was doing was destroying not just her life but the life of her family as well. as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, and saw how much she had lost, how malnourished she looked, how ugly she looked, she made a conviction that this game, that her head kept playing with her, the voices in her head that tore at her telling her that she would never be enough until she was thin, would stop. She would end it, she would get better.
As she stood on the vestibule in the Manhattan sun, staring at the huge but homey building where she would be attending therapy with a group, she smiled. She had come this far and she wouldn’t look back. This group was not the regular kind; it was a group for people who had been through the emotional abuse of body shaming. The room held a woman with huge breasts, a man who was fat without it being a sin, a woman whose face looked like it had been burned, a really thin guy and a vertically challenged girl. In that room filled with beautiful misfits who shared their experiences, Rachel couldn’t help but feel like she’d found home. All of the self-harm, the self-loathing was on a road to its end and as the circle reached her turn, she stood, breathe out and said the things she’d learnt even if she could have learned them sooner, she was grateful to have come this far. “My name is Rachel Adams, I am an anorexia survivor and a victim of body shaming but I have learnt that the self-harm is not worth it. Letting myself be subjected to such emotional abuse, and feeling worthless destroyed me. In the end, body shaming should not be tolerated by anyone. To be loved, is to love yourself first, whether or not the way your body is fits into the standards of a group of people that don’t matter and as much as body shaming can break you, I have learnt that I shouldn’t let it. These people don’t understand what their actions mean so my advice is this; body shaming will always exist, but don’t let it matter more than you. Don’t let the people carrying this act out break you because in the end you deserve better.” This she had learnt and would live to tell.
Six in out of ten people are body shamed every day. During a survey organized by bustle magazine, 69 percent of women confessed that body shaming has been a thing that happened to them at some point in their lives. Personally, I believe that the one thing that has influenced the way most people see themselves, the way most people associate what being pretty should be is the fashion industry. Now whether most people agree with me or not, the fashion industry has indirectly taught us that the only kind of pretty is slim or thin. The most important lessons that our society has failed to teach us is how to love ourselves. Irrespective of the way your body is, please love yourself. You cannot grow away from the I am not good enough mentality if you don’t learn. It’s hard to see how wonderful you are when you think this way but I’m telling you, the way your body is doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are living your best life, you are a beautiful soul whose heart thinks of good, you’re kind and smart and funny and anyone who doesn’t see you for what you really are does not deserve a spot in your life. Go diets, work out, stay fit because of you, not because of what society says or what other people think, do it for you. Young women and men are taught not to love their bodies and yes, I mean it when I say taught. When we’re younger, we never worry about that fat, we don’t poke at ourselves and decide that we hate ourselves. It is so wrong and the amount of pain it causes is something that is insurmountable. Yes some people may criticize your body or the way you look but you don’t need to let it get to you. Body shaming is something that’ll always exist so it’s up to us to start the campaign alongside others to end this inhumane act. And to those who think they aren’t body shaming when they mock the stretch marks on another person’s body or talk about the how fat someone else is, or how thin or how short, think twice. Body shaming destroys a person emotionally and psychologically so please stop. Finally, to those who have been and are still going though this type of abuse, here are movements that will encourage you to push on.
The less is more campaign on instagram has helped thousands of souls recover and learn to love themselves. It’s easy to find, just search for it on instagram or you type in @ rawbeautytalks instagram handle
The dove campaign for real beauty has recently surfaced on instagram. It has touched and encouraged women especially feel like they should feel, beautiful. This campaign is currently on going and is on the Dove instagram handle.
The STYLELIKEU campaign has charted a new course of history by not only incorporating slim women to model clothes but women of all sizes. Again, it’s readily available to anyone who knows what instagram is.
Melissa Fabello became a body image activist after her recovery from an eating disorder which spurred on due to an abusive relationship. Now she spreads the gospel of loving your body and preaches it because during her recovery those was what got her through. She does this with the help of her YouTube channel. She’s easy to find and ready to uplift always. I speak from experience.
To everyone in the world who eventually reads this, your body doesn’t deserve the self harm and neither do you. Let’s campaign against body shaming and body image discrimination.
Racism to me has always meant the natural discrimination of a person because of their race or in most cases skin, let’s see what google says: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized. Wow! So much content I’ll restructure soon.
Let’s look at Tribalism. In Nigeria, and to a Nigerian, tribalism basically means discrimination because of a persons ethnicity or technically where they’re from. Moving on, I have to say that I was so compelled to write this because tribalism seems to be the new racism these days especially in African countries. Now, I understand the full gravity of what I’m saying, this is why I goggled what racism means and if you analyze closely, you’ll notice how much similar the definition is to tribalism. In Africa, especially Nigeria, many ethnic groups are just not at peace with each other and we have a whole lot of ethnic groups. As much as there’s unity in diversity, there’s also so much diversity in diversity amongst us. Take the Yorubas for example;most of them feel that because they are a majority ethnic group in Nigeria, they are superior. How do I know this? Well I school there, all the way from the south and honestly I didn’t usually acknowledge the fact that it was a thing until it was and I actually experienced it. Also, my people literally cannot stand the Igbo’s, it’s this unspoken rule that an Igbo person should not so much as try to get married to a person from my ethnic group. This right here is subtle racism but God so help you if you try to point that out that you don’t get eaten alive.
It’s funny how we can say black lives matter but not recognize that even amongst black people, there’s racism which we’d rather ignore and hide under the cover. Recently, my close friend who stays abroad got in contact with me, as we spoke, we kind of diverted towards racism and then she goes all “blacks are actually racists too you know!” you see when you here knowledge is power please don’t take that saying for granted. Ignorance is not bliss. My ignorant brain just automatically kick started and begun to defend the blacks, obviously, brothers and sisters in solidarity, like Beyonce preaches (*laughs stupidly) and then she stops me. Turns out that blacks can be racists too but it’ll be called tribalism. She tells me of the pool story, how she and her friends go to the pool (she’s the only Nigerian among them so she’s clearly the one being referred to) and just as she’s about to hop in, a black girl stops her and says, ‘you can’t go in the pool, what do you think? you ain’t black like us and we don’t need you contaminating the pool’ lol. The audacity! My friend now tells me she did nothing and she actually turned around and left the pool. Now I’m angry on her behalf. But she tells me it’ll only prove a point that blacks are right about Nigerians, they call us savages. Note: this is something I heard only in Pocahontas years ago, turns out people still say it.
Now, if you’re like me you’d think that in the grand scheme of things, blacks can’t be racist to blacks. Lies lies lies lies! Nigerians are blacks please and it took me too long to figure this out but Nigerians practice racism but call it tribalism. It’s sad because we’re supposed to be rooting for each other, we’re supposed to be ones, so called unified in diversity. This ethnic differentiation is racism in another form. We discriminate because she’s not Yoruba or he’s not Hausa or he’s not Igbo and we fail to see past these persons ethnicity to fully appreciate the human being that person is without the tag of an ethnic group. We just expect less and less of the person because he’s not from your ethnicity. Many times I’ve heard this stupid unnecessary saying that people from my ethnic group are lazy and unsuccessful. Well, it’s stupid. These kinds of things just further prove my point. In my second year, this lecturer for this particular course was just always trying to pull me down. Every other person in the class would literally do the same things but not get scolded or called names but then when faith does it, it’s a problem so he’d say mean things or threaten to send me out. Mind you, everyone in this class room or more practically 95 percent of the people in this classroom were all Yorubas. It was obvious he treated me this way not because I was not smart but because I came from a different ethnic group. God even a few of my classmates noticed how different I was being treated and cane to ask me if I offended the man at some point. One day, I was in his office asking him about my result, there was a mistake and he’s the person in charge but then he started yelling at me saying all these mean things and telling me things like he’ll “show me”… Absolutely stupid. Then he says “people like you always like to disturb all the time” whoa! For all I care, he was indirectly referring to where I’m from because the whole time he was being obvious that he disliked me. He knew I’m not Yoruba because when he started lecturing us, we made all these introductions.
Tribal stereotyping isn’t funny when you’re at the burnt of it. A lot of people just don’t realize that they are practicing tribalism when they say “oh, let me hide my purse oo, my maid is Akwa Ibom and those people steal a lot” it’s unfair to people that instead of uplifting others, we pull them down because they are not from the same place as you are. It’s unfair that the only person you’d help is that person that is from your same ethnic group. It’s not only unfair but also not right when you say “ohh he’s my brother, we’re from the same village” but that your friend who’s had your back from day one, that is also from a different place is not your brother. This is you being tribalistic. This is racism so far I’m concerned. Now, in the definition of racism, there’s a part that says prejudice based on ethnic group, isn’t this tribalism? It’s sad to say this but majority of the deaths in Nigeria is because of ethnic wars. Ethnic groups fight over who is superior and in the end, kill a thousand people to prove this measly point that should not actually be an thing and in actuality doesn’t make sense at all. My heart bleeds for those who have lost lives because of this wars. It’s sad that human value is rated in Nigeria based on ethnicity. That the worth of life is unimportant when put side by does with ethnicity. If only we’d pause and see that this diversification because of ethnicity is useless and actually accept that black lives matter every where, that we should be unified even with our diversity, that we are all brothers and sisters notwithstanding where we’re from. Standing as a nation, together and not diversified is the way change can happen. So in that small group of ours, let’s make it known that no matter where any of our friends are from, we’re all still brothers and sisters. Black will always be fought against so let’s not make a thing out of something that is so minor like tribe or ethnicity because the biggest fight of our lives is the fight against our skin color. So while we say Black lives matter we should remember that all black lives matter and I mean all matter. So please stop and show love, stop fighting or discriminating against each other because of ethnicity. All lives matter actually so stop tribalism and just love. See past the diverse ethnic group and see the thing that we all have in common, which is being human.
PS: I just want to say thank you soooooooooooo soooooooooooo soooooooooooo much to my audience. I really appreciate how far we’ve come and I’m also so grateful for the reception I got on my last blog post. It’s so encouraging to know that I have such beautiful supporters so this is me saying a big thank you! I hope you like this one as much as you loved the last one. With that being said, drum roll please, I’d like to inform you guys that the refurbishing of my blog site has been completed so expect more of me from now on. Enjoy! And please don’t forget to like, share and comment and follow! I love you guys! God bless you.